How To Win A Charity Golf Tournament
O.K. folks, here is Dr. B’s primer on how to win a charity Captain’s choice golf tournament.
We won Wednesday, and here is our formula. It has worked many times.
First, and most obvious, your ‘A’ player must be an ace. Ours, ‘Birdman’ Graylord, was that and more.
Second, your ‘B’ man must be reliable, boring, and good for about 60% pars. He should play like you want your family doctor to be-conservative, not flashy, few mistakes, and only lose two or three golf balls a summer. Just plum dull except for the brain. That would be me.
Your ‘C’ man should be rated as such only because he can’t hit far anymore, but still chips and putts like a wild man. Take a guy like Sammy. He spent his youth jumping outta airplanes all over Europe in WWII with dynamite strapped to his chest. He ain’t gonna fret over a three foot putt.
But your most important player is your “D” man. Now I know you must think, ‘Dr. B that don’t make no sense,’ but it does. He must be a REAL genuine ‘D’ player – like one with a 36 handicap. That way you have a bunch of strokes to work with. And Barry Graylord, Birdman’s big brother, is a legitimate 36. He plays once a year and only in this tournament. We have signed him to an exclusive lifetime contract, and he belongs to us. All he has to do is show up and drive the cart.
Barry is my insurance agent, and he has a string of trophies on his shelf at the office. Only problem is his clients keep asking him to play golf and rather than explain he politely declines.
But before you feel sorry for him, don’t. He is a fine athlete who once tried out for the Braves and was an All-Conference linebacker. He just doesn’t play golf. And don’t make fun of his game either, ’cause he is also an expert in jujitsu.
But I have to say, for an insurance agent he sure has come by his string of golf trophies in an unusual way. All of them were won for him by his little brother and an old doctor who only plays golf on Wednesdays. Golf can be a strange game sometimes.
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