Coca-Cola Klepto

        A post from Auntie (mrschili’s sister) got me to thinking about our office, and inspired today’s entry.  Someone was stealing her salad dressing out of the refrigerator at work.  From her story, and the responses, I’d say this is a universal problem, and it reminded me of a similar problem in my office.

        Every day at 3:00, unless there is a desperate emergency at hand, Dr. Bibey proclaims, “School’s out!” and we take a break for a Coca-Cola.

        This behavior goes back to grade school.  I’d get home and my mom would let me have one Coca-Cola before I went out to play.  They were the ones in those little green bottles.  She’d pour ’em up over ice in these metal glasses that’d get real cold and condensation would form on the outside.  I’m telling you, when I was a kid, I thought a well struck golf ball, a Martin guitar, and an ice cold Co-Cola were the three best things in the whole wide world.  They still rank mighty high.

        Anyway, my co-workers know I don’t ask for much, but a sure way to get a hound dog look outta me is to say we’ve run out of Co-Colas.  They don’t let it happen often.  When Paig semi-retired, she told the new office manager, little Marcie Presto, “Dr. Bibey ain’t hard to please.  Just don’t let him run out of Co-Cola.”  She hasn’t done it yet.

        Years ago, though, we’d get down to the last one, and someone would open it up, drink about ten percent, then put it back in the refrigerator.  I had too much on my mind to play Sherlock Holmes, but I had an idea who it might be.  I suspected a single perpetrator, but never could prove it.  Without fail, they’d drink ten percent, about down to the top of the label, and then place it in the back right corner.  (Like I couldn’t find it.)  It would sit there and mock me.  It was water, water everywhere and nary a drop to drink or however that old English saying goes.  (mrschili, help me out here!)  I coulda taken it better if they’d downed the whole thing and thrown the bottle away.

        We only have a few cardinal rules at the office.  Each time someone breaks one….  well, those folks don’t work with us anymore.  The number one absolute rule is not to put one’s personal needs above the needs of the patient.  Once an employee wanted to leave early on a Friday.  This former employee told a patient he didn’t need to come in to the office that afternoon, but did not consult the clinical folks for a decision.  (A major no-no.)  I won’t tell you the details, but the patient 100% needed to see a doctor- the employee gave bad advice and it was against office policy.  She did so to convenience herself. 

        My patient was lucky, the problem that could have resulted in a serious outcome.  They healed, but it wasn’t cause of what I did for them come Monday, I assure you, but only due to the grace of God. 

        I was furious, and told her so.  The employee left work that day and didn’t return.  After that employee never came back, I noticed I never had a Co-Cola theft again.  You can’t trust someone who’d steal your Co-Colas.  She was the one I suspected all along, but I didn’t have enough evidence to fire her.  (My employees say Dr. Bibey will somehow forgive if you drink his last Co-Cola, but don’t roll no dice with his patients.)

        Over time in an office, people’s character traits emerge.  It is much like being married.  After a while you know all about your people- maybe not as well as your wife, but just shy of that.  I’ve been lucky- mine are the best.  In all these years, I’ve only had one Co-Cola thief, so I count myself blessed.

           All I can say Auntie, is watch out for whoever is steals your salad dressing.  They might not be as bad as a Co-Cola klepto, but it sounds like they to are up to no good.  You can tell a lot about folks who steal the things that get you through the day.

Dr. B

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