Jesus, A Fine Wife, and GPS

        I hopped in the car and turned the key. “Okay hon, let’s go.”

        “Hold watcha got, let me plug in the GPS.”

        “I don’t need that thing. You remember where it is; down there in Rock Hill where Wayne played with Cowan a few years ago.”

        “The roads have changed since then. Let me program it. Now, where is it we’re going?”

        “Rock Hill. They said come by Tony’s Pizza first and eat supper.”

        “You ever been there?”

        “Naw, but Darin said it was right across the street from theater. We can’t miss it.”

        Mafar plugged the restaurant into the GPS and a map flashed up. “See, nothing to it.”

        “Shucks, I’m sure I could get there on my own.”

        “Yes, dear.”

       We cruised through the country-side. “Beautiful evening, huh? Hey, aren’t we supposed to turn here at #3 School?” I asked.

        She looked at the GPS map. “It says stay straight.”

        “But there’s a short cut that way. You go just past the Fish Camp and take a right, then go left at Roper’s junkyard. We used to come down here as kids for Camaro parts.”

        “You know what the children say about your short cuts. Besides, that was a long time ago.”

        “I’m only 42.”

        She rolled her eyes.

       We got within a mile. “Something doesn’t look right here,” I said. “Where’s the theater?”

        “I don’t know, hon. You said it was in Rock Hill.”

        “Your destination is on the left,” the GPS barked. “You have arrived at your destination!” I pulled in. Marco’s Pizza. No familiar cars. No theater across the street. Uh oh. Something’s wrong.

        I dialed up Rick, the road manager. He listened for a minute and then howled with laughter. “Doc, it’s Tony’s Pizza in York, not Rock Hill. It’s right across from the Sylvia Theater.”

        “Good grief.” We pulled out of the parking lot. I grumbled as we sped along the back-roads. “I never did trust those retro gizmos anyway.”

       Marfar laughed. “Honey, they can only take you where you tell ‘em to go. You just think you’re some old rock star who wound up in the wrong town.”

        “I guess.” Marfar can set you straight but still not set you on your ear. Smart woman. You know men are; they never ask for directions.

       She found III Tyme Out on the IPOD. “He’ll Take You In” was the song. “If you give Jesus a chance, He’ll take you in,” she said. “We won’t be too late. You only missed it by one town.”

       By the time we cut through the country, (these GPS gadgets are the ticket) we were there only twenty minutes off schedule. I flung open the door and yelled out, “Hey y’all, when did they move the Sylvia Theater to York??!!” 

        My Sunday message was this: “Pray for guidance and don’t rely only on your own input for directions. You might take the wrong road alone.” It doesn’t hurt to have Jesus, a fine wife, and GPS either.

Dr. B

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9 Comments on “Jesus, A Fine Wife, and GPS”

  1. Carmen Claypool Says:

    In my travels around the state for MoDOT, I rely on my GPS, and I have to admit sometimes it takes me a different route than I would have expected, but I’ve seen some fine country that way. Mine has different voice profiles, I used to have American voice “Jill” telling me where to go, but right now I’ve switched to an Australian male voice, can’t remember his name. But it’s rather elegant to miss a turn in the Ozarks and hear the Australian say, “Recalculating…”

    • drtombibey Says:

      Carmen,

      If a DOT GPS can tangle you up, you better be true bluegrass to get around out there.

      Seems no matter what voice I choose, my GPS has to recalculate an awful lot.

      Dr. B

  2. newt221 Says:

    I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said “If God is your copilot, switch seats” I thought that was pretty good!

    I am a map reader myself…No use for GPS…Besides what happens if they go heywire?

    Just like those kids using calculators instead of their brains to make calculations…Ever tried to get change from someone who never learned how to add without a calculator????

  3. Kathy Says:

    I used a friend’s GPS once, out of necessity. It worked, but its constant backseat driving got on my nerves. When I get lost, as I normally do, I prefer to just wander around till I happen across what I’m looking for. DIY recalculation. My husband stops and asks for directions. I would give him a GPS, but I’ve gotten the idea (several times) that he doesn’t relish backseat drivers either.

  4. Martin Waddell Says:

    I read somewhere that gender differences about navigation go way back to the earliest stages of our development as homo sapiens, when we were hunters and gatherers living in caves. Men and women developed different roles – the men’s job was to track their way through forests and swamps, hunting their prey, while the women stayed at the fireside, cooking the food, cleaning the animal skins for clothing and keeping an eye out to make sure that child #6 didn’t fall into the fire and child #15 didn’t wander outside and get eaten by a bear. As a result, in today’s terms, women are very good at multi-tasking but can’t read maps (allegedly) while men can read maps (or so we think) but can’t find the ketchup in the kitchen cupboard. Bit of gender stereotyping there, but judging by how my wife and I get on, it’s pretty accurate!

    • drtombibey Says:

      Martin,

      It’s a good thing I’m not a pilot. It’s one thing to get distracted by music and wind up in the wrong town by auto, but an airplane would be a different matter!

      Dr. B


  5. [...] Jesus, A Fine Wife, and GPS « Dr. Tom Bibey: Stories of the … [...]


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